I've been really depressed lately, which is why I haven't been keeping up with my bible blog like I want. The whole point was to get a regular schedule, but when life seems un motivating and you'd rather cry yourself to sleep its hard. Don't get me wrong I didn't abandon God, I talk to him because right now he seems my only friend in the world.

I'm having a consitently hard time adjusting to life back in LZ. It started out find Chi-town time workign and camping withe peeps all in the first two weeks, but maybe I got my expectations too high form that. I feel like all I do now is work. No one ever contacts me form around Lake Zurich. I feel so alone. And I try hard to find some one to hang with, but it never works. I think that's why I'm online so much; in hopes of someone reply or contacting me to see me. But now I have even had occurances of being blown off. My only condolunces have been my IU friends IMing me messaging me and plannign to see. I saw them once already this summer and was looking forawrd to another reunion for my birthday! Which all I could ask for is my two worlds ot come otgether and have fun. I don't even care about presents of cake. Just the presence of my firends. But now my plans are falling apart just as I though I found hope of being happy about where I am in LZ. I need social interaction that's just how I am. I get my energy and pep from people.

I'm not blaming anyone, in fact I'm convinced this is mostly me being the drama queen I am. And there are those I have seen this summer. But it's just not the socila stimulation I'm used to from school or even years past. I start obviously expressing my depression on facebook and people then respond to me and that does depress me. Though I appreciate your concern I'd appreciate some good times too, instead of your sympathy.

This note doesn't have to mean anything I just really need to write my feelings. W/e I'll feel fine in the morning work and sleep like always.  I wait for God to answer my please for social motivation and stimulation. I felt there my be a glimmer of hope tonight, figures that high leaves as  finally realize this weekend schedule shifting was in vain.

But on the bright side I felt moved by God to move forward with soemthing I wanted. HE let me make the choice and that I'm ready to face. I hope it goes as well as I want to make it.

This is my Bible Blog Daily devotions in a journey closer to God.